google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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