it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
