I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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