If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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