Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
