I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
