I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
