No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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