Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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