Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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