when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its not stalking. its research.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
