I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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