woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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