Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she smelled like a LAN party
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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