I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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