You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
