Someone shit on the floor
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
