Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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