I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
