the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
