So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
