he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
that is very illegal...i love you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
