Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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