this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
how drunk are you?
Several
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
