Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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