erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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