I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
