My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
