dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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