I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
