it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
