so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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