Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
