I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
