He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
