Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
