4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
