I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
