At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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