my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
