there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
