Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
