It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
