just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
