I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im holly from the hills drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
