HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
