Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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