I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
