I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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