gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me I should be a condom model.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
