I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
