The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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