dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
