Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Shame - the story of my life.
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