You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
FUCK WHALES
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
