I hope mine doesn't look like that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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