So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
