you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to calm my uterus...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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