I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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