38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
