Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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