wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
