eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
