just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
