sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
